20 Easy Predictions for the Coming Year
(This post originally appeared on The Philly Post)
The Revel casino is closing down. Duh. Anyone could’ve seen that coming. And most of the people I know did. We saw the new casinos in Philly and Valley Forge. We heard about the high prices at Revel. Even my own mom, a hardened slot machine competitor who used to travel to AC a few times a month has preferred to gamble locally because it’s cheaper and she can lose her money closer to home.
You knew this too. You are old enough and smart enough to be able to predict the future. In fact, there are a lot of things that you know right now that will happen sometime in the next 12 months. Just take a moment and think about it…
The Philly schools will get funded. In the end, with all the debating and yelling, you know that money will be found somewhere to open the schools. It won’t be enough. The system and its children will still suffer. But for the next year it will carry on … poorly.
North Broad is a place to invest. You know this too — you see the new office buildings, nice condos and new restaurants that are creeping their way up to Temple. Developers are restoring the Divine Lorraine Hotel. In another 10 years property values will be much higher than they are now.
Drexel and Penn will ultimately own all of West Philly. Even as the plans for the expansion of 30th Street Station moves forward, both universities are spending hundreds of millions on creating a competing skyline of new buildings and facilities. They will grow and to ensure their success their students will need to live in nearby housing. West Philadelphia residents will continue to be squeezed out.
There will be a police incident in Philly that will attract unwanted national attention. We’ve seen it happen over the last week in Ferguson. We saw numerous incidents this past year in Chicago, Florida, New York City and other parts of the country. You know that it’s only a matter of time before something bad happens here. Our police force is overstretched, underpaid, and stressed out. There is too much urban crime, angst, hatred and poverty. Someone’s going to make a mistake.
The Phillies will not make the postseason. Of course this is a foregone conclusion. But here’s my advice: Keep watching them. They’re entertainingly bad. And one day, they will make it back to the postseason and you can always say to that teenage girl sitting next to you who got playoff tickets from her daddy and has never been to a baseball game that you were a fan of this team when they were at their God-awful worst.
There will be eat-in Wawas. Maybe not all Wawas. But this will happen and you know it. Sheetz, Wawa’s copycat and inferior competitor throughout Pennsyltucky, already does this. And it seems natural. Why not just grab a table to enjoy that delicious Buffalo Chicken Cheesesteak?
It will soon be even more expensive to fly into and out of Philly. No, it’s not just because of the economy or the desire of people from around the nation to come here and watch the Phillies. It’s because the merger between US Airways and American is in full throttle and quietly, without fanfare, they will be controlling most of the major routes into and out of the city. Can you guess the economic effect of this power on your wallet? See? You knew this too.
The next mayor of Philadelphia will be a Democrat. Why even go through the expense of having an election? (Bonus prediction that we all know: Tom Corbett will not win the Philly vote in this fall’s election for Governor).
Kale will be found to cause cancer. Because when it sounds too good to be true …
Sometime in the next 12 months another local sports coach will be accused of “inappropriate conduct” with a young student athlete. Did it happen already? Oh, and there will also be incriminating text messages because hey, if you’re going to have an inappropriate relationship with a minor you might as well leave an audit trail, right?
The planned connector between I-95 and the Pennsylvania Turnpike will cost twice as much and take three times as long. Anyone who runs a business knows not totrust these estimates. Can you say healthcare.gov?
There will be a stock market correction. It will probably lop off about 20% of our values today. But that’s OK, because even after that it will still be overvalued. In what alternate universe is What’sApp worth more than Campbell’s Soup? You know already that this can’t last.
Another photo of a shirtless Vladimir Putin will be released. And I say: Bring it on. So do you. Admit it: That guy is sexy. He is everything I want to be when I’m 61: a manly man who dominates the world.
… and between now and the time when Vladimir Putin’s shirtless photo appears, President Obama will say the word “folks” 988 times. Because we’re all just “folks,” now ain’t we? And real folks just hate them Republicans, am I right?
Drones will not anytime soon be delivering packages from Amazon to customers in New York (or even remote parts of Nebraska). I can’t even get my computer to boot up three times in a row and Amazon expects to have thousands of drones flying overhead? Not according to these reports. Those things could fall down and kill us. Or my kids will just shoot them down and take what’s inside.
The Federal Minimum Wage will go up. Most states are jumping on the train. It’s low. The debate’s over. We all know this, too. Look for this to happen to after the election.
The Affordable Care Act will not be repealed. Even winning both Houses of Congress won’t do it for the Republicans. They still won’t have nearly enough votes to overcome a Presidential veto. Some damage can be done to the law, but it’s still going to be the law. This is assured.
Interest and inflation will go up. You don’t have to be an economist to know this. We already see rising food and living expenses. We see property costs going up. We know that the job market is tightening so employers will eventually be paying more and will then turn around and raise their prices to cover costs. And we know that the low interest rate party that’s been going on for the past few years is about to end so that the Fed can rein in its easy money. We know this, right?
See? You know this stuff! Just like you knew that the Revel would fail. So now that you can predict the future, what are you going to do about it? My suggestion: Avoid kale.