11 Silly Words in Your Twitter Profile That Make You Look Like a Complete Tool
(This post originally appeared on the Huffington Post)
Twitter is a great social media service that you can use to find, engage and grow a community of potential customers. But if you’re going to be on Twitter and use it for business, then do us all a favor and keep your Twitter profile professional. All I want to know about you on Twitter is what you do for a living. That’s it. I’ll figure the rest out when I get to know you better. Unfortunately, many people use all sorts of silly words to describe themselves in their profiles, and they are doing themselves no justice. Words like these…
I had to look this word up to find out what it means, and I’m pretty sure it means “a guide on mushrooms.” Sorry, you are not a “guide.” You are not a visionary. You’re just a dude on mushrooms. And you’re as blind as the rest of us. Sherpa is a word that Bono would probably use in a conversation. So, here’s some very valuable advice: in order to avoid looking like a complete and utter tool, don’t ever use a word in your Twitter profile that Bono would use in a conversation.
What, so you inherited your business from your dad and suddenly you’re an “entrepreneur?” You opened up a Subway franchise and you’re an entrepreneur? No, you’re not. Elon Musk is an entrepreneur. So is Jeff Bezos. And Ryan Seacrest. These people took giant risks that changed the world and were forced to host mediocre talent shows, interview drunks in Times Square on New Year’s Eve and deal on a daily basis with the Kardashians and for those reasons they reaped enormous profits. These men are truly courageous. Your biggest risk in the past year was eating at Chipotle and, yes, that was pretty dicey, but not entrepreneurial. Go ahead, bet it all. Lose. Make it back again. Lose it again. Do this 10 times and then hit it big with something that disrupts my life. Then you can put “entrepreneur” on your profile.
So, you enjoy paying $32 for a two-ounce, overcooked fish drizzled in some kind of orange sauce and garnished with three string beans? And you want to admit that to the world? I’ve just lost a great deal of professional respect for you.
Are an alcoholic? Do you regularly do drugs? Have you spent your life savings in a casino?
No? Then you’re not an “addict.” These are serious afflictions and I’m sorry, but no one’s “addicted” to anything having to do with work. Remove that word.
5. Anything political.
Oh, so you’re a Donald fan? Or you want people to “Feel the Bern?” Maybe you’re a big supporter of Hillary. Don’t care. And, unless you’re Barbara Streisand or one of the Duck Dynasty guys, if I’m doing business with you I don’t need to know — especially if I don’t like who you like.
WTF does that mean, and why is it in your Twitter profile? Hey, Dumbledore, unless you can literally fly on a broom and cast spells, my recommendation is to remove that ridiculous word right now.
7. “Mom” (or “Dad”)
Hey, you’re a mom! Or a dad! That means you had sex at least once in your life. Thanks for clearing that up!
I’m assuming that because you wanted everyone to know that you’re a “mom” or a “dad,” you’re inferring that you’re (of course) a great and devoted “mom” or “dad.” Good for you and your spectacular kids! But that’s supposed to convince me to do business with you? Because no one else on the planet is a “mom” or “dad?”
8. “Jesus” (or God, or anything else religious).
See “political” above. OK, so you’ve found the Lord. I’m jealous. Please don’t remind me I’m going to hell every time I see your profile.
Wow, you’re so incredibly creative and intelligent that you felt compelled to put “innovator” in your Twitter profile. And what exactly makes you so innovative? Did you help invent the electric car? The telephone? The Internet? Oh, I see — you came up with a new way for a client to approve purchase orders when their purchasing manager was on vacation. Brilliant.
Sorry, you’re not going to meet more girls by calling yourself a “nerd” now that the word is considered cute and potentially lucrative in this age of Big Bang Theoryand Silicon Valley and given the millions those kids from Stanford and MIT are making. Real nerds are not on Twitter anyway — they’re at BronyCon.
Really? You’re “passionate” about executive coaching? You’re “passionate” about organizational development? You’re not passionate about these things. No one is. You’re just a psycho.
I know this may be tough to digest but really and honestly, if you’re using any of these words in your Twitter profile, you kind of look like a poser. It’s just not professional, and it’s not a good reflection on you. I know you’re better than that. So, please, take my advice — update your profile right now.
Because the last thing you want is to look as lame as this guy.
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